…and what I’m going to do about it
Fashion Police Anonymous
I feel like I should be sitting in a big circle of other women , women battling self-confidence issues, women who have lost their fashion mojo – in a village hall on a mid-week evening “Fashion Police Anonymous”. I can hear my introduction speech loud and clear;
“Hi, I’m Clare, I used to love fashion, I used to spend my weekends in Meadowhall cruising the clothes shops, trying on fabulous shoes, checking out designer handbags and spending my hard-earned cash on wardrobe lust-haves. I now spend most of my time in the same skinny jeans, my husband’s navy hoodie and either flip flops or wellies. I fantasise about rebuilding my wardrobe but have no idea where to start” I would fight back a tear, hunkered down in my seat in a curled ball of shame.
I’m not alone
I can say with confidence that my introduction speech would be echoed in the words of all the women in the room. Somehow, somewhere along the line, that passion for fashion got lost, either in piles of nappies or a change of job, a 2-stone weight gain or a messy divorce.
I can tick three of those four boxes. Three children, a house move, a switch from senior career woman to self-employed. A back injury that saw me pile on at least two stone, in fact, be honest woman, it’s nearer three.
A turning point for me
After my darling middle child was born, I can remember as clear as day holding him at the kitchen table, sleep deprived and weepy. My oldest child (only 18 months old herself) shouted my name from the other end of the house. My husband, standing right next to me, answered her. “Can’t you find mummy? I can’t find her either. I think we lost mummy, the real mummy, fun mummy is missing.”
He proceeded to look for me under chairs and tables, in the cellar and bedrooms. I broke a little inside that day. How could I reconcile the fact that the new mum so in love with her new role as mum to two, wasn’t the ‘old me’ anymore, not so much fun, not so ‘Wild Mama’.
The photo says it all
This photo was taken moments after the ‘hunt for mummy’ I think my face says it all.
I forced myself into diet mode, dropped a fast two stone and slipped gracefully into my first size 10-12 jeans in a while. Yes, I looked fab, but wearing the funky pink-tinted glasses of hindsight, it wasn’t the right time.
Back to work
When I went back to work and left my darling children in the hands of strangers in order to pull my weight and pay the bills, I swapped baby onesies for killer heels, nappy changing and cuddles for sheer force of will, determination and a damn successful career. I hid behind beautiful jackets, sky high shoes with bright soles, 50’s style tights with a seam up the back.
Where is mummy now?
I feel similar right now, but slightly in reverse. Slightly knackered and occasionally a little weepy. Looking at the killer jackets and shoes that I haven’t wanted to chuck out despite being 4 sizes too small and needing to find my new fashion happy.
Live Your Best Life – Spend more time loving what you have…?
But this blog is all about loving what you have and making the best of life, so I’ve enlisted the help of a wand-waving miracle worker – a fashion fairy godmother. I’m handing my wardrobe over to the fabulous Renee from Mummy Style.
Wild Mama Never Went Missing
But make no mistake, I’m going to show my children that Wild Mama never went missing, she is the confident, funny, fierce mummy she always was and a better woman for motherhood. She has just been hiding it under a hoodie for far too long.