I’m on a bit of a journey. A journey to put the ‘Wild’ back into ‘Wild Mama’
Those of you who read my very first post ‘Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is this person I don’t know at all’ will know that my life has been something of a health and well-being roller-coaster over the past few years.
I have recently stepped down from this poor cheap-thrill of a ride and decided to get my life back into shape in the hope that my body will follow (all 2 stone overweight of it!).
Back in July, I boldy proposed a ‘life-journey’ of new experiences, confidence boosting endeavours and a whole new diet. Well, the summer holidays have passed in a whirlwind of great adventures, happy family times, hilariously drunken evenings with friends, cheese and cake. I have lurched into September a happier (but even heavier) version of my July self but not much further along the journey.
Last week saw the kids tumble back off to school and new adventures. I shed a quick tear and dried my eyes. Then, I made a cuppa (put the biscuit back in the tin – see, small victories) and sat down at my computer. Bloody hell, no excuse now. I need to get my shit together.
Changing my mindset
Talking to strangers about my innermost thoughts and obstacles does not come naturally to me, I’m not a sharer. I say ‘crack on’ to those women who can hang out their dirty laundry for all to see over a glass of pinot grigio, but it’s not really my bag. I’m a good listener and barely shut up sometimes, but I don’t find it easy to talk about the stuff that matters.
However, to open up the doors to a whole new me, apparently I’m going to have to start to let go a little bit, to ask for help and share some of the important stuff. This does NOT come naturally to a closed-book control-freak.
An amazing lady, Jill, offered me a session at her coaching business ‘Pozitive Minds’. The thought of sitting on a sofa ‘sharing’ with someone I had never met before and dishing the dirt on my own shortcomings seemed a ridiculous idea. I told my mum “ha, good luck with that” she said. I sat on Jill’s beautiful sofa trying not to roll my eyeballs as she suggested looking at my ‘Wheel of Life’.
But, having committed I agreed to see it through. I was right to reserve judgement. The simple exercise was really revealing. And talking to a stranger – a professional stranger? A revelation. Focused, non-judgemental, kind and nurturing and I came away with a list of action points – some of which are still languishing on my extensive ‘yep-must-do-that’ list and the others…well the others have started to help me form a plan. Jill, I salute you. You got this shirker to open up and agree to take action. You’re a legend.
Focus on me every once in a while – guilt free
I’m always the last in my queue. I barely get dressed until everyone else is sorted out every day – and yes, I have often shoved a sweatshirt on over my pjs to get people to places on time. I eat when everything is done and if I remember. I get new stuff when everyone else has everything they need. I know that this is the life for many a mother but sometimes, sometimes we need to kick ass and push to the front of that queue (or so I keep telling myself!). I’m still in that call-centre style queue at ‘position 327 with 6 weeks remaining before your turn’ but I’m higher up the queue than I was a few months ago.
Put energy into properly rebuilding my health – ‘you can’t give from an empty vessel’
This I know to be true. I’m knackered, I never stop, I’m almost permanently stressed and eat when I remember. I give everything I have to everyone else but I’m just like an massive oil-tanker (not a good visual!) I keep ploughing ahead – it is pure momentum that keeps me moving. How that results in being overweight I don’t know. Well… I didn’t until I met an amazing medical herbalist last week who blew my mind with health lessons I should heave learned years ago and sent me away with the tools to kickstart my health revival – but that’s for the next post.
Rediscover ‘Wild’ Mama
You may have noticed that I feature very rarely in photos on this blog. In fact, you would be tempted to think I hadn’t been here throughout my children’s lives if photographs were anything to go by. I’m a lifelong camera dodger. That is all about to change. I’m braving a photoshoot in the very near future with my awesome kids. I might hate the ‘me’ in the photos but I’m going to share them. That’s the theory anyway!
I’m also heading to an amazing friend who knew me when I was well and truly wild in my twenties. She is now a super talented makeup artist and she is finally going to teach this 40-something what the chuff to do with all those brushes and the hocus pocus she calls make up and transform me into a beaut! You have got your work cut out Sam.
Amen to all that! I need a glass of wine – and some cake.